Did Somebody say Crack?
by RyuulovesHidan
Summary: "Food Fight?" These two words changed everything...Especially when the pedovan,dancing penguins,and Scooby Doo appeared.
1. Chapter 1: Mcdonalds Gettaway!

[ The Main Characters are Hidan and Konan parts are written by Haunted-Echoes,Check out her stories...

DEY SO AWESUM'. ]

Yup.

He had done it this time.

Hidan grabbed the Mcdonald's employee by the tie and shouted in his face for his food,spitting on him in several fellow workers were probably shitting their pants,considering Hidan had just slashed every customer there in half and killed all of the janitors by flinging them against the th...rew..What does his nametag say?

Ohyes. SQUISHY...against the wall and demanded for a Dunkin Donut.

Well, who would have known. Apparently, in the Naruto universe there was McDonalds. Oh well. But the one thing that caught Konan's attention, was the scene ahead of her.

She really wondered why the group of S-classed shinobi were at a place like this. A public place, never mind. It was foolish if you asked her- And that's when she he...ard the yelling.

Glancing over at Hidan once more, she shook her head and grasped a fry, before flocking it over and hitting him on the head.

"Hidan-san. I would appreciate it if you didn't make a scene. I'm pretty sure they an redo your meal."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Hidan exclaimed,turning around and flinging Squishy at ,Poor Squishy...

He had to have atleast 24 broken bones.

Thats when it happened.

THAT DONUT. It sparkled as 'Hallujeuh' played in the backround. Hidan's eyes lit up as he took the donut, and flipped the workers off. The music stopped,like a record player had just been abruptly thrown across the room-Which made him think of Squshy again. He sat down next to a certain peircing faced,or as Hidan liked to call him,penis-faced member and nomed on his donut.

The person daubed 'Squishy' landed right in front of her as she stared at the man.. Or at least she thought it was a man. His face was so disfigured you wouldn't know what it was at first glance. And all thanks to the silver haired Jashinist...

She blinked at the background music and shook her head, before beginning to munch on a fry. ...She guessed since they were already here, she might as well make the best of it- And then Tobi came running front the bathroom screaming about man eating toilets.

"... I don't even want to know."

Deidara came in after Tobi, moving his hands in a grabby motion , Which Hidan thought was for strangling...Sadistic Bastard.

"Go DeiDei-chan!"

Hidan smirked as he watched the rather pissed blonde fumble for a moment,choosing whether to strangle Tobi or kill Hidan with Death-By-French-Fry. He decided to go after the masked man as Hidan... chuckled,leaning back in his seat and munching on his donut.

Konan thought the best way to end the fight between them, was to let them continue-or to start a food fight.

She thought the food fight idea would bring upon some entertainment as she smirked and grasped another fry, chucking it at Hidan's head once more before looking off to the side, innocence settling into her expression.

Oh no she fucking didn't.

Hidan growled lowly,grabbing Kakuzu's hamburger and flinging it at her face, ketchup and mustard wedging themselves between her eyebrows. Hidan's head fell back in laughter from the site of it all. Kakuzu crying over his lost hamburger,fucking baby. Konan smothered in fast food, and Deidara strangling the hype...ractive Tobi.

Pfft.

This world is fucked up.

OH HELL NO!

Konan wrinkled her nose and growled loudly, which made Pein hide under the table. She grasped the nearest thing near her, which was Squishy, and threw it at Hidan, along with Kisame's fish fillet.

Wait- He was eating his relatives? That sick, sick man.

Hidan dodged,grabbing Squishy in mid-air and catching the fish fillet in his mouth. He narrowed his lavender eyes at her and threw squishy back.

Bitch.

Be hatin' on the fish fillet.

...I shouldn't be talking...I hate fish. Kisame glared at the author. Oh,Shut the fuck up you smurf.

Anywho~.

Hah.

And look? It seemed that she had grasped Itachi's collar and used him as a shield. Poor blind bat didn't even know what was coming!

She really needed to get him glasses...

Oh well. Smirking once Squishy came in contact with Itachi, she dove behind Kisame and grasped his fries, throwing them back at Hidan.

He frowned, seeing his move not effectivive

THAT FUCKIN' HOE.

"Thats it.."

He got out of his seat, punching the poor Kakuzu in the face during the process, which made the man cry even more. He chased Konan through the halls.

First,they ran through one door as Scooby Doo came through the other smoking crack.

Then, Barney appeared in the pedovan with dancing penguins.

And then everyone found Nemo.

Konan snickered and ran ahead, making sure to throw a dancing penguin at Hidan before disappearing within the pedovan. Well- After she tied up Barney with the rope in the back of the van.

Now why was there rope?

"... I don't even want to know."

She shook her head as many graphic images had been shot around within her thoughts.

He grabbed his scythe and chased the pedovan, yelling several things.

"MY MOTHER ATE MY FUCKING TURTLE."

" I FOUND WALDO,BITCH."

"HOLY SHIIIITTTTT ITS A PENGUIN!"

"...Wait for me please." 

The van only sped up while Konan smirked, leaving the drivers seat and chucking Barney out, at Hidan.

"TASTE THE FREAKIN DINOSAUR- Wait... Did you just say please?"

She blinked as the van swerved, only to come to a stop. Magic? I think so.

He pouted,looking at the ground.

"Maybe I did...What the fuck are you gonna do about it?"

He hopped into the van and looked back to see everyone chasing them.

"DRIVE,BITCH,DRIIIVE."

Oh, and drive she did. She hopped into the drivers seat as her foot plunged onto the gas, making them screech into drive, as they drove away from the group.

"Wait... Why are we running away again?"

She deadpanned, turning her attention to Hidan.

"Because we fucking want to...?"

He replied, looking back at her.

He was just too lazy and retarded to find out the actual answer...

But this lazy retard was sexy...Oh so very sexy..

"... Good enough."

She smirked and looked ahead of her, before making the van to a doughnut, until they were facing the crowd running towards them.

"How much do you wanna bet I'll get a strike?"

Yes, she was talking about running them all over. Oh my.

"20$,Bitch."

He grinned, an evil gleam in his eyes.

He hated them all.

"KILL EM!"

She nodded her head and once again hit the gas, driving towards them as they stopped, and began running away.

Pff, she wasn't going to kill them.. Maybe injure them, but that's about it.

And while that though passed, she finally reached them as they bounced off of the van.

Now here's a lesson, kids! Watch out for Pedovans. You'll never know if they want to pick you up, or do like Konan and run you over!


	2. Chapter 2: Love, Romance,and Competition

"Score one for Konan."

Hidan smirked, glancing at the wounded Akatsuki members."Hah."

She chuckled lightly and nodded her head, her smirk widening.. Until she spotted Pein. Blinking, she arched an eyebrow and stopped the van. So it seems she missed him, eh?

"Hmmm..."

"How the fuck did we miss him?" Hidan exclaimed,leaning over the edge of the donut. HE NEVER MISSES ANYBODY. FFFFUUUUCCCCCK.

She shrugged and stepped on the brakes, awaiting for Pein to enter.

"Heh, I don't know. But at least I didn't hurt him..."

She smiled slightly, a slight fondness within her amber orbs.

Hidan saw this fondness as jealousy bulged inside his chest like a fucking volcano.

SHE LIKES PEIN? Why not him...?

Hidan pouted,looking to the side as if he didnt care.

"Pfft.."

Well, she did live with the man for her whole life!

But never mind that... Her attention was on the orange haired Leader as he approached, his attention on her as well.

Hidan folded his arms and sat down, angry at himself for fucking caring. Pffft,Why should he care?

Looks like somebody cared~ But Konan didn't notice, because Pein was now at the drivers side, forcing Konan to get off of the seat and to sit upon Hidan's lap.

Pff, lucky guy.

He cocked an eyebrow and looked seemingly bored. "Why the fuck does she have to sit on ME?"

"Do you want me to sit on Pein's lap?"

She retorted as Pein sat down and closed the door, beginning to drive once more.

"Hmph..."

Even though he said this,he did not want her realized this and sighed,

"No..."

She smirked and relaxed back into her new comfy spot, her back resting against his chest.

"Good boy."

"Dont you 'good boy' me..."

He turned his head away from her,smirking slightly.

She snickered in response and turned her head so she could glance at him.

"Fine. Would you prefer bad boy?"

At that, Pein growled slightly in warning.

"Actually...Yes."

She rolled her eyes in response and glanced at Pein, seeing he was watching the road and not them, she smirked.

"Fine. but I don't find you that bad at all~"

"Then maybe you should find me fucking sexy.."He smirked,biting his bottom lip.

She pursed her lips before smirking. Sure, she would play along... For now.

"Sexy? Hm... Perhaps."

"Perhaps? Bitch, Im sexier than Penis-Face over there."

He pointed over to Pein.

At that, she burst out into a full blown laughter as Pein looked over with an arched eyebrow.

He looked over at the leader,sticking his tongue out him and mouthing 'She likes me better~.'

Pein simply flipped him off and turned back to the road, while Konan was slowly stopping her laughter.

Hidan glanced back at Konan. "Aw..Penis-face made her stop laughing. Fuck you with a rusty rake,Penis-face!"

She snorted and shook her head.

"Enough, Hi-Hidan!"

"Fine." He 'hmphed',crossing his arms and looking away.

She smirked and once again relaxed against his chest, glancing out of the window.

He glanced to the side,ignoring everyone completely.

Konan adjusted herself so she was comfortable, not at all minding that she was straddling his waist. But of course, it seemed Pein minded because he spoke up, telling Hidan to drive now.

"No thanks,You can drive." He flipped him off,smirking secretly.

Konan blinked at Pein as he stopped the Pedovan, before he grasped Konan and made her sit in his lap.

Hidan growled,grabbing Konan back and making her sit on his lap. Pein wasn't going to win that fast..Hidan thought,flipping him off again.

Konan blinked at the whole move and arched a brow at the two.

"... Are you two fighting over me?"

Way to be blunt, Konan.

"No!" They both shouted at the same time,blushing lightly and turning their heads away from eachother...Which caused them to crash into a rabid Deidara who had a broken arm.

She snickered and settled back into Hidan's lap, before shaking her head.

"Should we.. Uh. Help Deidara?"

"No..The fangirls will." Hidan cackled,watching Deidara get ripped apart by Sasuke fangirls.

She shook her head with a sigh. Che, stupid boys.

"... Fine."

"Hmph." Was Hidan's reply. Bitch should be listening to him!

She shook her head and slapped him across the chest with a huff.

"You fucking bitch!"

Hidan glared at her, then smirked and licked her cheek. REVENGE WAS SWWWEEEEET.

She blinked, before growling and slapping him across the face this time. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, NOW? REVENGE, BIATCH.

YOUR AN ASS. Hidan flicked her in the forehead. "Asssssss."

She smirked and arched an eyebrow, before leaning in so that their lips were almost brushing each other. "You like it~"

Hidan smirked aswell,leaning in so that their lips were touching eachother...A kiss. "I do."

Her cheeks were immediately aflame with a hot blush as she pushed him away. She hadn't meant to kiss him! And Pein, he was grasping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

He chuckled,leaning back in his seat as he winked and watched Pein. "You jelly~?"

Pein grasped Konan before using his ninjutsu to push him out of the van, before he took off once again, leaving Hidan there as Konan was now confused, and sitting in Hidan's spot.

Hidan sat there with a WTF face on as he got a stick and drew in the dirt, mumbling stuff about world domination and jealous penis-face.

Well, that's what you get when you kiss Konan in front of Pein! Pein had a victorious smirk on his face as Konan was still confused. Hidan pouted, using a jutsu to appear back in the van. Heh.

At that, Pein growled lightly and slammed on the breaks, causing Konan to almost fall out of it weren't for Pein who caught her.

Hidan smirked, watching Pein's reaction as he kicked him in the head, watching him break the window and fall through as he started to drive away at rapid speed."... So you two /are/ fighting over me." She smirked.

"Maybe we fucking are!" He glanced back,making sure that the leader wasn't following the pair."Hm.. I always thought you liked Kakuzu, though~" She this said, Hidan stopped the car. "The fuck you just say?" He glared at her. "I WOULD NEVER LIKE THAT PIECE OF GAY SHIT!" At that, she burst out into laughter. It was obvious she was just teasing him.

He grinned, noticing this and starting the car again. "Bitch.." Settling down, she looked at him with obvious mirth, amused. "Hmm?~ What was that? I believe I didn't hear you~"

"I said you were a fucking bitch."

"And your an asshole,What else is new?"

"Yo' Mom."

She rolled her eyes and once again slapped him across the chest. "Ass."

"Thank you."

She smirked. "For?"

"For the compliment,Stupid Bitch."

"It wasn't a compliment, Stupid Bastard."

"Yo' Mom."

"I killed 'em."

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "My parents died.." "Hmph.." Hidan felt small, not even noticable, sympathy for Konan. "Why are you in the Akatsuki again..?"

"Because Pein is. We were together since childhood.."

"Ah..."

She nodded her head, before smirking. "And it has it's good points~ Everywhere I look there's hot men."

Hidan smirked aswell. " Them? Their fugly bitches. Me? Im sexy."

"Well.. Pein is sexy, too~" With this, she was searching for an reaction.

He scoffed. "Yeah, Okay. To you he fucking is..."

She snickered and grinned, arching an eyebrow. "Jealous~?"

"Y-I mean..Fuck no! Pfft..Your ugly and so is he, you make a perfect fucking couple." He averted her gaze. "I'm ugly?" She scoffed. "Please. I could have any man down on their knees!"

"Sure..." He rolled his eyes, running over a broken and bleeding Deidara.

She snickered. "I probably could have you on your knees, too~"

He chuckled. "As if!"

She grinned. "Wanna bet?"

"Why bet? I already know."

"That I can have you on your knees? Yeah. I thought so~"

"Fuck no-Thats not what I fucking me-You know what? Fuck you."

She snickered. "When and where, baby?~"

"Whenever you feel like it."

"Never? Okay,Sounds good."

"Hmmmph."

She smirked and relaxed back into her seat.

He gripped the steering wheel, pulling into a random place, which just so happened to be a certain Deidara-wannabe's appartment. She blinked before huffing and shaking her head. "What are you waiting for..? Go get the girl. We need to make an army."

She arched an eyebrow. "You can do your own shit!"

"BUT WE NEED AN ARMY TO DEFEAT THE FUCKING PENGUINS!"

"THEN GET OFF YOUR ASS TO DO IT, BITCH."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-Fine."

She smirked. "Good boy."

"Bad boy!" He called, kicking down the door and dissapearing.

She chuckled. "But bad boys don't get treats!" She called back, getting into the drivers seat. Hidan came back a few moments later with 2 certain kunoichi and threw them in the back of the pedovan, their pink and blonde head's colliding with eachother. "... Sasori isn't going to liiike thisss~"

"I dont give a fuck about that Pinnochio-wannabe." "Yeah? Well I don't like pink." She glared at Sakura. Sakura tilted her head to the side, a questioned look plastered on her face...Stupid Bitch. "WE NEED SOVIET WARRRIAAAAAAAAARS." D "KILL THE PINK." Konan threw a shuriken at Sakura. Hidan caught the shuriken. "WARRRIAAARS! WE NEED 'EM...For Insurance..."

She pouted, and gave Hidan the puppy dog look. ".. B-But Hidan..."

" -"

WHAT WILL HIDAN SAY~?

WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPPY D


	3. Chapter 3: CHIYO SLAPPED

"BUT NOTHING!" He looked over and saw the penguins. "THEIRRR COMINNGGGGG."

She frowned and huffed. "Then get your ass out there and fight them!"

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" He cried, hiding behind the Haruno bitch.

"YOU'RE IMMORTAL, BITCH. GET YO ASS OUT THERE." She grasped him and threw him out, along with the others. He clinged to Konan. "NOOO. DON'T MAKE ME FUCKING GOOOO!"

"GO TO THE FUCKING PENGUINS." She kicked him off.

"Welcome!" They yelled like those Aliens from Toy Story. "We have cookies." They dragged Hidan's,Ino's,and Sakura's crying bodies into an alleyway. Konan smirked and shut the door on the van, awaiting their return. A few moments later, Hidan came running out with bruises everywhere with a light pink mustache, a bonnet, and a barbie dream car in his hand. She blinked and arched an eyebrow. "Yeah... Sexiness level has dropped."

"THEY-" He paused to cough as he got into the van. "TRIED TO MIND-RAPE ME WITH FUCKING-" He paused again."POISON CUPCAKES."..Pause. "... You're still not sexy." She deadpanned, looking away with a snicker.

...

"You bitch."

"I know." She smirked. "At least I'm a hot bitch."

...

"Go fuck Penis-face with a rake in a cardboard box."

"You kinky gir-" His sentence was interupted as Sakura darted out, half of her hair blonde and the other half its same old gay color.

"... HIT ON THE GASS. LEAVE THE BIIIITCH." Konan shouted frantically.

He stepped on the gas quickly, getting the hell out of there.

She sighed in relief and leaned back into her seat. "Now.. What were you saying?"

"Nothing!" Hidan blurted out.

She grinned. "You said I was kinky!"

"Puh-lease! You wouldn't be kinky if you were in a thong,dancing on a lion,with a WHIP."

"... That already happened." She grinned.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAVN'T YOU DONE? HAVE YOU WATCHED ME IN MY SLEEP?"

"Pff. Fuck no! I was on a stripper pole- I mean sleeping..." She coughed.

"...Wut?"

"Oh nothing~!"

Hidan stuck out his hand. "Whatevah."

She stared at the hand. "...?"

"No.I won't eat the motherfucking broccoli...It tastes like..mashed cooorrrrrrrnn."

She slapped him across the face. "SNAP OUT OF IT."

"YO MOMMA."

"Is dead."

"Kooonnaaaaaaaaaan."

"..Hm?"

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

"...Anything."

"NATIONWIDE IS ON YOUR SIDE."

"...I hate I WILL KILL YOU. YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO."

"...HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT?" He pointed to a running Sakura/Monster/Thing/Mommy/Pokemon.

"YOUR TWIN?"

"SHUT UP BITCH."

"...Maybe it's Maybeline." Hidan said softly.

"MAKE ME,ASS."

"Ill be sure to tell the Nazi's that."

"Go to hell."

"You remind me of it."

"Great. Now... HOLD MY PURSE, BITCH." She slapped a paper made purse to his chest.

"WHYYYYY?"

"SO I CAN GO GRRANNY CHIYO ON YO ASS AND SLAP YOU SILLY."

"YOU...I HATE YOU!" Hidan burst out crying-Yes,Crying.

She rolled her eyes. ".. Che."


End file.
